Mate, I don’t want to be mean or give unsolicited advice, but I do want to help.
Your comment is well meant and I kind of get what you want to say, but it’s so hard to follow. It shows signs of incoherence and hyperassociativity. You’ve also written hundreds of lines of comments in the past few hours and they are all in a similar style.
This might just be your style, but it is often a sign of schizophrenia, psychosis or mania.
I really hope you will talk to a doctor about this, or at least a family member or friend that you can confide in.
Thanks, but the medical-gaslighting my life was subjected to, is done.
Absolute-healing or death, not their gaslighting “help”.
I find it nearly-impossible to translate complex thoughtshapes into linear-English, & there is no language for expressing thoughshapes themselves.
Also, having survived literal brain-decimation ( 1970’s-1980’s, epigenetic-disorder ) force-fighting my remaining-brain to work is also exhausting.
I’d rather evolve & die-alone than compromise my life the way your desired “help” of me, would molest my life again.
You probably don’t have the decades of experience with being as-forced-as-possible to just drug myself into being an acceptable psychiatric-zombie,
instead of forcing my brain to improve.
I spent literally years much-of-the-time-catatonic with brain-injury, & they wanted me warehoused & on-drugs for the rest of my life.
Fuck that shit.
Feel free to terminate my life, if my life, itself, its-own-way, offends you, though…
Not that I expect you, whom I’m replying-to, would,
but all the people who find “me”/my-life unacceptable/intolerable …
… honest breaking my life, instead of trying to enforce drugged “living”, being animate-but-not-ALIVE…
…would be more authentic, more honest.
& if anybody ever does smash my life to smithereens, no matter what reason they had for doing it, I don’t want them prosecuted for ANYthing.
Because it’d be honest.
& honesty is something that this-world has nearly-none of.
Doctors doing all they can to enforce drugged-zombie condition on a life because brain-healing “isn’t real: belief in brain-healing is itself mental-illness!”
Go read Dr. Norman Doidge’s books, & see that brain-healing’s real.
Better to die clean, than to “live”, drugged, for the “mental illness” of having a literally-decimated brain.
Brain-injury is brain-injury, not “illness-of-mind”.
So, while you mean well,
I’d rather you axe-murder my-life, than drug me the way they drugged me, because honest condition is better, for me.
If this is what makes you happy, be my guest. But I can’t imagine that where you are now is a good place: living with thoughts that are incomprehensible and impossible to put into words, not to mention the hate, fear and paranoia.
There are more medications than the ones that make you feel like a zombie and there are better doctors out there who provide helpful cognitive behaviourial therapy instead of just pills.
Mate, I don’t want to be mean or give unsolicited advice, but I do want to help.
Your comment is well meant and I kind of get what you want to say, but it’s so hard to follow. It shows signs of incoherence and hyperassociativity. You’ve also written hundreds of lines of comments in the past few hours and they are all in a similar style. This might just be your style, but it is often a sign of schizophrenia, psychosis or mania.
I really hope you will talk to a doctor about this, or at least a family member or friend that you can confide in.
Thanks, but the medical-gaslighting my life was subjected to, is done.
Absolute-healing or death, not their gaslighting “help”.
I find it nearly-impossible to translate complex thoughtshapes into linear-English, & there is no language for expressing thoughshapes themselves.
Also, having survived literal brain-decimation ( 1970’s-1980’s, epigenetic-disorder ) force-fighting my remaining-brain to work is also exhausting.
I’d rather evolve & die-alone than compromise my life the way your desired “help” of me, would molest my life again.
You probably don’t have the decades of experience with being as-forced-as-possible to just drug myself into being an acceptable psychiatric-zombie,
instead of forcing my brain to improve.
I spent literally years much-of-the-time-catatonic with brain-injury, & they wanted me warehoused & on-drugs for the rest of my life.
Fuck that shit.
Feel free to terminate my life, if my life, itself, its-own-way, offends you, though…
Not that I expect you, whom I’m replying-to, would,
but all the people who find “me”/my-life unacceptable/intolerable …
… honest breaking my life, instead of trying to enforce drugged “living”, being animate-but-not-ALIVE…
…would be more authentic, more honest.
& if anybody ever does smash my life to smithereens, no matter what reason they had for doing it, I don’t want them prosecuted for ANYthing.
Because it’d be honest.
& honesty is something that this-world has nearly-none of.
Doctors doing all they can to enforce drugged-zombie condition on a life because brain-healing “isn’t real: belief in brain-healing is itself mental-illness!”
Go read Dr. Norman Doidge’s books, & see that brain-healing’s real.
Better to die clean, than to “live”, drugged, for the “mental illness” of having a literally-decimated brain.
Brain-injury is brain-injury, not “illness-of-mind”.
So, while you mean well,
I’d rather you axe-murder my-life, than drug me the way they drugged me, because honest condition is better, for me.
Cheers.
_ /\ _
If this is what makes you happy, be my guest. But I can’t imagine that where you are now is a good place: living with thoughts that are incomprehensible and impossible to put into words, not to mention the hate, fear and paranoia.
There are more medications than the ones that make you feel like a zombie and there are better doctors out there who provide helpful cognitive behaviourial therapy instead of just pills.