I was living with my friend and her husband at the time. Her husband brought his boss over to the house to look at a truck or something, I can’t remember. According to him, he fell hard and fast. I was skittish after having been through an abusive marriage and protracted divorce and took things very slowly. He was patient and so very kind and here we are, five years later, married and fixing up a house with a couple crazy dogs.

So, I didn’t “do” anything, so to speak, we just showed up in each other’s lives one day and happened to have shared values, interests, and attraction to each other. I know that’s not a satisfying answer. A lot of couples I know met through mutual friends, for what it’s worth.

My mother died from cancer three weeks ago. I held her face and stroked her hair as she passed away. I whispered to her the entire time, I told her that she’d done a great job, that she was loved and safe and that I hoped she had an easy journey. It’s a transformative thing to watch someone you love take their last breath. Hardest thing I’ve ever done and I’m proud and honored that I was able to bear witness to her transition out of this life. Heartbroken and shattered, but also proud. Fuck cancer.

I get a little triggered by unsolicited advice as I’m a survivor of narcissistic abuse and, for me personally, it was weaponized as a means of control, destructive criticism, manipulation etc. In general, I tend to take it as a sign that whoever is giving it isn’t a good fit for me in a friendship/relationship paradigm. In personal relationships, I find it is almost always intrusive, disrespectful, and/or harmful to the relational bond.

However, a professional context can be different. Unsolicited advice from a manager could be an attempt at coaching/mentoring and I would give it consideration. If it’s coming from a coworker in my field with more experience than me, who I also respect, same response as above. A coworker in an unrelated department who I don’t respect? Ignore advice and make an internal note that they are likely not my kind of people.

It’s a great question, I don’t know if there was one main driver. I think I’d hit a wall in a way. I was tired of spending the money, the time, tired of the repetitive necessity of needing something to feel ok. Also, I had some house projects piling up. It was way easier to come home and smoke and do nothing so nothing was getting done. I guess I hit a sort of rock bottom of motivation and general exhaustion.

The first two weeks or so were really hard, not gonna sugar coat that truth, it truly did suck. It also took over a month to get back to somewhat decent sleep without assistance. I used valerian root and magnisum oil to get me through that first month and a half.

I focused on a lot of self-care, tried to eat really nutritious food, went for walks, started a daily journaling practice to try and quiet the mind. Used the supplements to get the best rest I could and tried to cultivate the patience I’d figured I’d need. Cliché I know, but I really did try to take it one day at a time.

I wish I had a better answer, maybe it was just time for me. Like I said, everyone is different and I’m no prophet of sobriety or anything. It just happened to turn out that sobriety works best for me and my mind. The freedom is my favorite part though, I can just go about my life without needing something or planning around something, sounds silly but it’s such a relief for me. I can just be.

Was a daily smoker for almost two decades and would defend my usage to anyone who suggested it could be a source of discontent in my life. I kicked the booze habit 10 years ago, kicked nicotine a few years after that, but held onto bud for a long time.

I’m almost 4 months sober now from thc and, while the first 1.5 months were shit cause of sleep issues and general system regulation, I’m so happy to be on the other side of it. It started out as tea break, I had some projects I kept putting off and thought I could reset my tolerance and get some motivation at the same time. But now that I’m several months deep, I’m not going back. My life has improved so much, in both minor and major ways.

Every person is different and it’s not my place to tell anyone what they should or shouldn’t do regarding substance intake. All I can say is, as someone who was dedicated to a substance supported existence for the majority of my adult life, I am definitely, without a doubt, my best self as a sober human.

I’ve always associated the term with the online dating arena. However, I’ve lost touch with people after moving cities, or having various life changes occur (sobriety etc.), is that ghosting? I’ve had to go no contact with a few ex partners and friends for mental health and safety purposes, is that ghosting? I have adhd inattentive and occasionally respond in my head to a text message but unintentionally fail to respond in actuality, is that ghosting?

The definition seems to depend on the recipient to a large degree. A lot of folks here are saying “you have to communicate or it’s cruel/cowardly/sociopathic”(yikes to that last one btw). Well, I recently had to end a friendship and I communicated to them, as kindly and as clearly as I could, that things had run their course. I did not ignore them or suddenly cut them off, I communicated. They didn’t like what I had to say, and went a little bonkers, so I blocked them and now their story is that I ghosted them. Idk, it seems to be a slippery term in my experience.

I’ve never felt offended by someone losing touch with me or by getting busy with life etc. Life happens, things and people change, it seems natural to me that a lot of relationships have expiration dates to various degrees. The only times I’ve had people aburptly end communication with me was when I’d said or done something egregious and I don’t fault them for it. That only happened back in my drinking days, I’ve not had it happen since getting sober ten years ago. In my experience, which is by no means universal, if someone abruptly cuts you off, it may be time to take a step back and examine your behavior and/or expectations. And if it turns out they were just a shit person, then let them ghost, good riddance.

I love my Fit, it’s a 2012 and a manual transmission, I will drive it for as long as I possibly can.

I “watch” history documentaries on YouTube while I do chores but that’s about it. We don’t even have a TV in the downstairs of our house, though my husband has one in his office for gaming. I’m a book worm and prefer books and podcasts. I do love playing some Skyrim or COD Zombies etc., mostly in the winter though, nice weather=yard work or gardening projects.

For any fellow history nerds out there, People’s Profiles on YouTube is one of my favorites. Long form, contains imagery but no reenactments, it is essentially a podcast with decoration, and they even group together biographies into massive 4 hour+ videos for those “omg, this is gonna take me forever” cleaning/house projects.

Feeling blessed that this is basically my life, except I do have to go to pesky work Mon-Fri. And work is work, I’d always rather be home, but in the grand scheme of jobs, I have one where I’m challenged and get to learn new things with a decent group of humans on my team and good work/life balance so, yeah, feeling blessed for sure.

My heebs! They jeeb!

I literally had no idea who he was until the campus videos of the shooting hit Lemmy. I’m in the US but don’t regularly follow US media sources because gestures vaguely. Lemmy is also my only social media at this point, everything else has been deleted, so when something pops up here, I go digging through the Guardian or El Pais to get an idea of what’s going on.

I will say, I had the absolute delight of taking all the wind out of my deeply religious and conservative coworkers sails by innocently asking, “who’s Charlie Kirk?”, when they were discussing a moment of silence idea and a poem one of them wrote about him. Of course I knew who he was at that point, but I enjoy being an agent of chaos in a small southern town lol (send help!).

5 years! We’re not really sure of the exact date cause ADHD² lol we go with October cause shopping for Halloween decorations was our first date 🎃

Fabrics, pattern drafting, and sewing techniques. Historical clothing and corsetry. History, soooo much history. Religious movements, belief systems, and paradigms. Language, writing, and literature. Plants and gardening. Birds and bugs. Tea and tisanes. Houses, their interior systems and construction, renovating them, maintaining them, and hacking their unique quirks and issues.

I set aside 20 minutes in the morning to journal. It’s become sacred to me. It helps me clear my head and set my focus for the day.

Explaining would destroy the mystery which would be uncool since they’ve been working so carefully on building it.

I am always reading one of Jarod K Anderson’s collections of poems and I recommend them to everyone.

Currently reading, “The Bullet Swallower” by Elizabeth James García. Yes, I would recommend it to any fans of magical realism and/or Cormac McCarthy.

Last book I read was “The Mirror and the Light” by Hilary Mantel. I would recommend it only to history nerds like me lol

This has been the defining struggle of my queer existence lol

It really is. It actually makes me sad. I’m the grown daughter of a father who sounds a lot like the person you responded to. I love my dad and it’s a complicated relationship as he really doesn’t think he’s a misogynist, he truly believes he’s just “telling it like it is.”

It made me furious for years and now it deeply saddens me. He will never have the chance to truly know his daughter because he is literally incapable of seeing me as an equal in terms of basic humanity. And that is sad because I’m delightful and smart and wickedly funny when I’m comfortable with someone, he doesn’t get to see the authentic version of his own offspring, what a loss…

Just last month, I left work early on a Thursday, met my now husband at the local courthouse, and we got married! Cost about $50 bucks. We’re happy as clams about it, our families wanted us to do more but, that sounds like a them problem honestly lol

I do feel differently. Not more committed, I’ve long been ride or die with this human, but I get this sweet, sudden uprush of cozy emotions when I say, “my husband”, or when he calls me “wife”. I love him a lot and it makes me simultaneously very proud and very humble to declare that publicly.

Very recent, I’m still in the glowy happy haze of it. My partner and I just got married and we’ve got an old, fixer-upper property that we plan to make into our own haven of weirdness haha I’m excited to keep building this wild life together.