Doug

My two acceptable hypotheses:

• We are in a simulation and these are remnants from server migration/discrepancies in the instances.
• These are dry runs of the man seeing what history they can get away with rewriting and convince us was true.

No. I cannot create false memories. Nope. I can’t do it. I won’t listen to you. It’s not true! Nonononononononooooooooooooooooooooo! This isn’t my fault! 👉😫👈 lalalalalala

guess i’ll die 🤷

Hello my name is Doug, I’m 40+ years old and I’m a fucking idiot.

I mean I guess part of me knew, I have been to Subway and watched them slice the fucking bread. But when I see baguettes at the store I think “hm, just like Olive Garden, I can make tiny baguette slices!” I don’t think “yeah time to make some killer sandwiches.”

…I’m going to blame my autism for this one. It probably isn’t true, but I’m gonna blame it anyway.

Well they’re not just gonna discard the extra tube.

You want a genital tube, you’re gonna have to be happy with a butthole tube, or just one really long genital tube.

Yeah I’m trying to think how you would “fix” this. Maybe put a faux-building around the tubes so you’re sliding down a toppling skyscraper?

Kong Ko-Ko Kong Ko-Kong Ko-Kong Titty Titty (repeat)

✅ = 👦🧒🤳📲

✅ = 🥱👌👈😒
❌ = 😩🍑🍆😤

Anytime I’d make eye contact with a cop car I get pulled over.

I’ve learned it’s much easier to just release the caltrops and flip ‘em off if I see anything ski-rack-ish on top.

anyways g2g. court summons.

deleted by creator

I remember when the first Surface released and Gabe from Penny Arcade was like “wtf this is better than iPad for drawing. why aren’t they advertising this aspect of it?”

I don’t know if that’s still true, but I always tucked it in the back of my mind when I was looking for drawing tablets.

my worm, it’s attractedddddddddd! NNNNNNGH. SPICE MY DUNES.

Flow that spice right into my b-hole nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnngh

Joe Rogan can go fuck himself for enabling this administration.

Don’t fuck this up for me, Sally.

Hoarding + fear of death + erroneously thinking wealth will increase likelihood of immortality or leaving behind a legacy someone may reincarnate them + thinking everyone is out to get them (which— sure, we are, but only because they’re hoarding wealth) + dehumanizing everyone else = billionaires

I would like to think if the future is ever capable of bringing someone back from the dead, they’ll know not to resurrect a cancer of a person.

It’s just a box that so happens to let you proceed if the string supplied in its field is your password. There’s no question mark involved so it’s not a question.

Dab on it, your honor.

afaic it’s the “for profit” that tanks these places and nothing else. it’s why I went more into mastodon than Bluesky.

Instrumental trip-hop.

As long as it doesn’t make the employees’ day harder/they had a head’s up, then uhhh rock on 🤙

I had to stop so may “pranks” as an usher at the movie theater because they were too disruptive.

One guy came in and was cool about it, “what’s the deadest hour I can do something in your lobby? we won’t hurt anyone and just want to be silly.” and we let him; he just dressed up like a pigeon and pecked at popcorn people would spill, sometimes out of shock when they saw him.

This one looks pretty harmless/the employees were chill with it based on one of the being silly enough to try and kick ‘em.