My hairline directly correlates with sales at the grocery. When I wake up bald, I know I’m eating good that night.

Skip your mouth and just shovel it directly into your gullet

Thanks but I am genuinely just stumbling through life and somehow it works out instead of me being homeless. Idk how shit works out but I feel like I don’t deserve it.

I recently got a job that seems like its going to work out well. I could be making way more money, 2-3x as much, but I decided pretty early that I’m not going to make missiles. This is way below my skill level and isn’t challenging in the slightest, but its a good change of pace. Was happily unemployed for a long time but its time I get back to routine and it feels great having money coming in instead of just out. I’m going to chill with it it for a good while and start applying to those niche jobs that I’m perfect for and pay a lot. Or I’m going to start a business with a buddy or two.

After my cat takes a shit, she’ll run around and yowl. Not meow, yowl. She never yowls except post-poo. But she doesn’t want to interact with me during this time. If I acknowledge her then she stops and just meows and walks around regular. So I just let her have her post shit crazy sesh. Like, I get it, I feel great after dropping one, so its good she feels comfortable enough to express her after shit joy.

No fuck yuWu

Hey, you better take this meme and throw it in the fucking trash. Harambe was a gentle and kind soul. Gorilla was his final incarnation and his soul now rests in nirvana.

Java feels like McDonald’s and python feels like a grocery store.

Rust feels like a femboi hooters where they offer IVs you don’t think they’re qualified to administer.

If I spend more than 15 minutes, not distracted, with my own thoughts, I get sad.

You don’t just wear hoodies every day all year?

Wiping your ass is a Democrat conspiracy to make you deprive your body of a critical microbiome that protects you from their propaganda.

Slurp up the cow farts for fuel

I’m always erect