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Joined 2 years ago
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Cake day: September 8th, 2023

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  • Sorry for your loss.

    Yes, I think of emotional talk as “showing weakness”, because people around me gladly lash out at the exposed surface. Men and women do that, but it hurts more from women. They seem to be better at dealing emotional damage, or I’m just more receptive when it comes from them.

    Also, talk about feelings needs to be handled, and can be handled very poorly. It also can seem demanding. “When I have my plate full of my own stuff I don’t want to deal with yours”, or similar mindsets when the tools to properly handle such a situation were just never acquired.

    On the other hand talk about sportsball is a way to entertain oneself while giving the lizardbrain time to adapt to the people around it.




  • Ok wow. That’s a takeaway to being told that their is no such thing as perfect or fixed. That’s in you for wanting it as an excuse to be worse.

    Good on you for abandoning the unwilling. It sounds horrible, but it’s a matter of cutting costs before you yourself become an emotional burden on others. That’s what I wanted to show.

    No, I don’t think of it as a failure to provide assistance I think we choose the burdens we are ok with and you don’t have to aim to fix everything. We can’t fix dyslexia or genetic disorders, and we don’t just demand they figure it out to change nothing.

    I have no idea how that matters in the context of a wife filing for divorce and breaking down crying when it’s accepted. Sounds like the husband did everything perfectly in your opinion.

    And it’s not so easy to just pick to be better and yes she has to do things herself. We all do.

    It’s 100% on her. No wiggle room, no “things” or parts of it. She is the only one with access to her head, meaning people around can help, but never steer. And if she won’t then she will have to find someone willing to put up with her problems. And even that relationship gets thrown out the window the moment she asks for a divorce.

    It it’s not over or even done when they decide to get better.

    Yes, it’s an incredible amount of work that not a lot of people even begin to tackle. There are even “therapists” that tell people that everything will be fine, that all other people are the problem. This is a problem in itself, which is why it’s 100% on the wife to get better. Bad help is not an excuse to be a dick.

    And it is still on the rest of us to accept the burden of their issues to make life safe for them as well.

    Then do you it. Why would you make that decision for the husband? Or the wife?

    I point out that you give love first. You accept that people are broken and you love them anyways.

    And then they tell you they don’t want you in their life anymore. Like the wife did in this story. Would you be the creep that sits by the street lantern watching her every move? Or would you honor her wishes?

    I don’t want vapid relationships that only go surface level so that they can never burden me.

    Seems like a good call. I’m trying to do the same. This still doesn’t make me responsible for someone’s mental health. It does make me inclined to help when I can, but only to the point where they tell me to get the fuck out of their life.


  • Physical violence cannot be undone.

    Neither can emotional manipulation. You cannot see the scars, but they will bear a violent fruit.

    Saying that you want to leave someone, and then breaking down upon noticing your mistake is something that can be talked through.

    Don’t be a doormat for emotionally unstable people. There can be a conversation, a couple counseling or something, when people talk to each other. Putting signed divorce papers in the other persons hand is a gesture, not a conversation. There is nothing left to be said.

    If someone beats you, and says it was an accident, you’ll still be bruised and feel unsafe around them, even if you understand them and have empathy for them.

    Yes, trust can easily be broken by physical violence. It can also be broken by the spoken or written word.

    On the other hand, if you understand and have empathy for a partner that said they would leave you because they honestly though you would be happier without them, you can help them get better and move on.

    Oh, it sounded like the husband would be responsible for her mental health, but this is about helping? Then yes, you can help someone get better. If she works on herself to get better you can help her.

    Just like you can help a veteran with PTSD. If they work on themselves so they can get better.