When I was about 4, I was jumping on the sofa, back and forth from one arm to the other (because the middle was lava, obviously)

Misjudged it and ended up going headfirst off the end into a china cabinet next to it, glass doors and all - I ended up missing the first month of school, 32 stitches and basically half a Glasgow smile to show for it, I’m told it looks very cool

NGL I kinda forgot about rugby, fair point

Europeans: call a game where you kick ball with foot “football”

Americans: call a game where you throw ball with hands “football”

One of these makes more sense to me… :p

T̸͎͇̠̳͉͎̀̈́̀̽h̶̗̃̔́̈́̋i̴̳̖͖̗̬͙̣͇̊̀̎͂̈́̾̑̃͜͝ͅs̶̛͎͛̅̆̽́͊̎̈́̚ ̸̧̼͕̣͚̩͑̆o̵̞̥̺̳̼̅̓̈͆̕ṇ̵͚̳̓̇̆̆̊̄̚̚ȅ̴̳̰͖̜̝̪͔͈̑̀̀̅̒̄̔̚

Most of the major newspapers (this is from a UK perspective but I’d imagine they’re accessible in other places) have a live news page for big developing news stories - the BBC site is probably a good unbiased-ish one

I’m a big fan of -ussy as a suffix, especially when it’s wildly unsuitable for the purpose

It’s utterly ruined ales describing themselves as “citrussy”

Hold the newsreader’s nose squarely, waiter, or friendly milk will countermand my trousers.

The Dollop

Particularly the 1908 New York Paris Car Race episode

Scunthorpe

Just never go to Scunthorpe

Though I just realised I’m a walking stereotype

No contest, just look at these guys

Gotta be Mark Knopfler - Sailing to Philadelphia

His coming was foretold on the ancient tablet

Laughs in 3-cylinders