Drugs are awesome. That"s why. They make you feel cool new feelings and, if you are careful, can be safe to use. Helping people costs a lot of time and doesn’t make your body feel awesome. It’s the same reason regular mooks drink beer and liquor instead of helping the homeless or elderly.

Maybe try Minecraft.

You think you understand the will of The Hand!? HOLY WAR.

A lot more people living underground and a lot more snake oil. Probably a cult or two.

Sure thing, sweet meat.

Did gender hurt your feelings?

Smelling ‘fishy’ is a sign of bacterial vaginosis.

Of course, buddy. You’re all grown up. Very big.

Declarations of adulthood: the most adult thing possible.

Do you make your boss pull out, or do you let him finish inside?

I have a spreadsheet that I’ve set up to design dungeons and dragons maps.

Oh god, I married a woman! How gay am I!?

Does that dipshit have a pistol shoved down his pants?

I can count to 26 on both hands. Each finger bone and both my thumbs.

B-b-b-but inflation when gobermen gib money! That’s what I was hearing just 4 short years ago!

“Israel is committing a genocide.” Is a factually neutral statement. I don"t see the problem. It’s no different than saying “The Earth is round.” Is that statement somehow taking a non-neutral stance on the flat earth topic?

If King Arthur finds the holy grail or Edmund Dantes finally sits with his revenge or Sherlock Holmes dies at Reichenbach Falls, that would mean the END. Fans want PRODUCT. They want more Spoody-man. The more can’t be very different, but must be different enough to scratch a new itch. I must have my spoder-mang. I must have Fast but Furious 87. Call of dooter 17. Legumes of Delzo: We’re doing it again. Pokkle-mons. Eat up piggies. Enjoy your slop.

Maybe it’s time for a closer read of your favorite works.

You should read some existentialist philosophy, man. L’Étranger seems like the book for you, my dude. Particularly, the bit about the guy and his dog.

We need the CEO of Antifa to pipe in as well!