My preferred response to this is, “Entropy. The eventually and unstoppable heat death of the universe where none of this matters is the reason.”

When they started with hybrids they kinda got ahead with the Prius and stopped.

Do you ever have sex without protection because the other person looks “clean”?

In eighth grade I got into an argument on the bus, precursor to the Internet, with a kid about my ignorance of sex. He drew a picture of a diaphragm and ridiculed me for not knowing what it was.

Donny Jr hoping for daddy’s approval.

What I miss about Reddit hasn’t been on Reddit for a long time. It’s just a porn aggregator now.

Maybe the time I was headed to lunch with a friend. There was a Mexican restaurant we frequented in a strip mall with a gas station at the end closest to an intersection. We have the green light to cross the intersection as we approach when a shootout occurs at the gas pumps. We were going to turn in right next to the pumps, but my friend geared up and floored it. Yes, geared up. In a diesel. He spent another 15 minutes escaping the danger before asking where we should eat. I told him the safest place was probably at the Mexican place as every cop in town was likely in route.

Be a champ and eat that ass.