Groomer: “How can I help you?”

Mobster: “I need you to make me look like a good boy.”

Mobster comes out with a nice poodle cut.

Last night I had a dream I perfected a magic trick

I’d dress like a vampire, then at the end of a movie when everyone goes outside and it’s too bright I’d start hissing and screaming, then smoke would come off me and I’d collapse and disappear.

I don’t know how to do magic though, so I have no hope of accomplishing this trick illusion and I submit it to the community.