So my girlfriend apologises compulsively. I find it easy to talk to her about the reasons why she may do that; however, she posed to me a question today which I found a little more tricky to answer:

How do I feel when I tell her to stop apologising, and why do I feel the need to tell her to stop apologising?

It’s honestly something I never gave thought to before. It is a very, very minor annoyance - to the point where I feel calling it an ‘annoyance’ is too harsh - but I don’t actually know why I feel the need to tell her stop doing it all the time.

I’m hoping someone can help me put it into words. So I ask you, Lemmy: how does it feel when someone apologises too much, and why do you feel the need to tell them to stop apologising?

  • Vinny_93@lemmy.world
    5·
    2 days ago

    It’s difficult to say, really. It’s a form of acceptance. Accepting that you are who you are, taking things at face value rather than second-guessing everything you hear. I’ve got a decent head on my shoulders and feel more confident in my own abilities.

    It wasn’t until I decided to call in sick from work last September. It was not a great winter to get through and taking a long, hard look at myself, my environment and my past was a very painful process.

    I’ve been pretty aware of the fact that I was in need of psychological help since somewhere around 2018. Since then I’ve taken one step, in 2018, but didn’t follow through. I muddled my way through my last year of college, graduated, worked at a small publisher for about 3 years before moving to my current employer, moved, had a lot of personal stuff going on…

    The step I took last September, to basically hit the brakes, was a turning point for me. But it took until the end of February to actually feel like I was on my way back up.

    So in short: it’s pretty much all about confidence. Once you’ve accepted yourself for who you are, you’ll no longer feel like a burden to others. You’ll most likely also realize that people don’t often judge you without telling you stuff. After you’ve had an interaction, there is no need to wonder ‘oh I wonder what they’ll think of me, what will they think of me saying this or that’. Your overthinking will slow down a bit.

    Couple of caveats:

    • I am very aware of the priviliges I have gotten along my life and I understand not everyone can just call in sick for a year and get full medical support from their jobs, or be able to just freewheel through college;
    • I am still a long ways from where I need to be and I’m starting both therapy with a psychologist and something called Acceptance and Commitment Therapy in group form.