My sister Lena’s friend regularly screamed at her, made fun of people, was ableist, etc.
She is on-and-off nice and mean. Right now, she’s nice. Before, she hated Lena. Now, she likes Lena. In a few months, she’ll hate Lena again.
Lena’s friend believes nothing is ever her fault and refuses to get help. She is very secretive and guarded, and acts very paranoid. Along with her defensive behavior, this makes me think she’s sadly being abused if she isn’t just a jerk.
She has quite the ego, but I’m not sure if it can be justified. Lena wants to be her friend and help her even with her behavior.
(She apparently has NPD)
To put it in a way that’s slightly less genteel than the other posters, let me tell you my motto that I live by as someone with multiple mental illnesses:
Mental illness is no excuse for being an asshole.
If somebody has been diagnosed with a mental disorder it doesn’t give them a free pass to be harmful to others. Their actions are still their responsibility. The diagnosis is there to help her explore options for managing her condition, getting treatment or medication. It’s not there to give her an excuse for being a bitch.
We can’t fix other peoples issues for them.
We can choose to support them if they are actively trying to fix their own issues.
We can also decide that even though they are trying the impact is too big on us and distance ourselves.
But if they aren’t actually trying to better themselves there is nothing we can do except protect ourselves.
Your sister needs to look into co-dependence and trauma-bonding (if not in this case then for future reference), and focus on becoming emotionally independent rather than confusing nurturing with doormat. She can only fix her own issues, not her friends. And learn that not every friend is worth the title.
Mental illness is not your fault. It is your responsibility, however.
Agreed. We should help each other to the extent that we are able. We must also be accountable for our actions to the extent of their consequences.
At no point in your post does your question about mental health get a mention.
What are you attempting to really ask?
Edited.
You are free to dislike people and to choose who will be your friends, your sister also have this freedom, maybe you could offer help if things get too rough with Lena, and give advice if needed, helping people is not easy specially if Lena doesn’t accept it or want it.
Other people are not your problem, if she has any negative effect on you and those close to you, really recommend cutting her loose and later if you want to give her another opportunity, you can try again after everyone’s grown up more
