I’d say “may you live in interesting times” but some fucker already cursed us all with that one.

May your tongue stick to the roof of your mouth with the force of a thousand caramels

How old exactly is that one? I can attest to it not being new in 1972. But it could actually be as old as the Great Pyramid for all I know.

What did we do to you?! 😭 /j

May your marinara never stick to your spaghetti!

May your USB plug never be the right way up first time you try to insert it.

JK, this is true for everyone, every time!

May a diseased yak vomit in your slippers.

I hope your asshole grows tastebuds.