That’s literally the only ‘old’ bit, but I was still constantly pestered by people trying to get me to come with them to look at handbags and sunglasses, and I do mean constantly, to the point where I just left because I couldn’t be arsed anymore.

Disagreed. I loved Venice. Was crowded but was very pretty and interesting, and had great food. You don’t need to go to the expensive tourist places for good food. As always, see where locals eat.

Dubai. A cultureless fake city in the desert, full of posers.

Cinnamon stick 10 mins before you serve. Lime juice to garnish.

If you don’t have the willpower or don’t really want to, you will fail. It’s nearly all willpower.

That’s a wild rollercoaster of a question. It’s like a robot who learned English in a rush.

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When people say ‘like’ constantly between sentences or sentence fragments or before every adjective.

I rescued an injured bird (a collared dove) with a broken wing and took him to a bird sanctuary about 40 miles away. So 10, clearly.

Absolute Balderdash. The funniest of all board games.

I go on Pirate Bay, search through new uploads, then check their videos on YouTube. Found plenty of gems I’d otherwise not have encountered. Also on LastFM. Type an artist you like and it will suggest similar artists.

Either Michael Myers or my ghillie suit.

Yeah, it has to be easily portable so he can go to his friends.

Santa Steps Out was wild.

'Sex, Death, and Santa Claus

His generosity is legendary. He has a devoted wife, a crack team of sky-borne reindeer, hordes of industrious elves, and the love of good little boys and girls around the globe. But what unholy desires now propel him into the lascivious clutches of a certain fairy? And who was he before the sleigh and workshop, in times forgotten?

She munches on molars, summons drowned sailors to her pleasure, and recalls, sharp as a pinprick, her life as the most savage of ash nymphs. Why then is she stuck, night after night, hovering above pillows to leave coins for gap-toothed brats? More important, how quickly can she captivate the jolly old elf to the north?

He’s huge, fluffy, lonesome, and unbearably horny. On his Easter rounds, he contrives, as often as possible, to get a grip on himself and peer into interesting bedrooms. But who in the world will throw him down and ravage him as the lovers under his gaze ravage one another?

Deadite Press is proud to bring back the ultimate erotic Christmas story from Robert Devereaux’

Absolute Balderdash. It’s the most replayable and funniest board game with a crowd. I’ve hurt my ribs many times through laughing too much.

I haven’t turned off my laptop in close to 10 years. I just flip the screen and it’s good to go tomorrow. A marvellous workhorse.

Some guy who got a load of wire wrapped around his rear wheels and the car just sat up on its rear end like it was standing to attention.

I’d be an awful person if I didn’t like my family more than my job. Yeah, I’d love a better split of work and home time, but it is what it is. I’m home by 5.30pm or earlier every weekday, so there’s evenings and weekends for family time, but we couldn’t do things if I didn’t have a job that pays well.

My trick is that I enjoy my job.

Never have I ever said lol.