20, they/she, math+CS student

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Joined 1 year ago
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Cake day: June 17th, 2023

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  • Also Monitor Lizards. They’re the most intelligent squamate reptile (group that includes all living reptiles except turtles, crocodilians, and birds, who are archosauromorphs), except for possibly the cobra. But, they’re still cold-blooded, so I can just nap on a hot rock without eating for 2 days and be Fine. They do get Stupid when the temperature drops too much (lowers their metabolic rate, and intelligence uses lots of energy), but I live in Florida, so that’s fine💀. They’re also one of the only lizards that can both breathe and walk at the same time (apparently most squamate reptiles use the same muscles for breathing as moving their forelimbs?? Wack.). This is how they became so intelligent, there was more O2 coming into the body, so the overall metabolic budget to evolve stuff like Large Brain became much larger.

    Also they’re adorable, monitor lizards can be so friendly, curious, and playful, they’re like the Lizard version of cat imo. I really want one, they even like to cuddle (humans are Warm, and they’re smart enough to recognize and trust you enough to want cuddles). I’m gonna get a cute little Ackie monitor once I graduate college I think.


  • Spider would be cool tbh. Tho what if you get their fucked up reproductive process where the female lays dozens or hundreds of eggs at once and also maybe tries to Eat her male partner, depending on species.

    Or like, you lose your teeth and have to eat by injecting caustic fluid inside Whole Organisms to dissolve their tissues and slurp them up with your Newly-Formed palps/pedi-palps.

    You might get venom, which is cool, but most spiders are only venomous to other arthropods because most spiders hunt primarily arthropods (occasionally small amphibians or reptiles for larger species, a couple tarrantulas are known to opportunistically hunt rodents or bird hatchlings, but they don’t have venom to begin with, so whatever). Unless you get a black widow or brown recluse or something. A dose of that vemon from a human sized Black Widow or Brown Recluse chimera (the Type of Thing you are now) would like 99% be enough to kill a person




  • If you want cool eyes, go with the Mantis Shrimp tbh, they’ve got like 7 or 8 different cone cells for everything from ultraviolet to infrared. IIRC scientists don’t think their brains are powerful enough to fully use all that info at once, but I feel like connecting that to a brain that’s like 1000x as powerful would fix that.

    I’d hope you’d just get the extra cone cells and not compund eyes tho, compound eyes would be Difficult for a human to adopt to, since our visual cortices evolved to process two high resolution visual streams and not like, 100 shitty visual streams.

    I think you could just plug an eye with extra cone types directly into a human brain tho, there are people born with tetrachromia (4th cone cell that extends a bit into the ultraviolet iirc), and they can utilize information from the extra cone cells perfectly fine.

    Afaik, the human eye lens absorbs most UV light, so people with tetrachromia can’t actually see much UV, but it does give them way more precise color vision overall, because instead of infering colors based on 4 values (red, green, blue, and overall brightness), you’re adding a 5th value for violet, which makes colors that look similar to baseline humans easier to tell apart. There are people with no lens on their eyes (either a birth defect or they had to be removed) who can fully see UV radiation tho, I don’t even think it requires tetrachromia, the blue cone cells are very slightly sensitive to UV if none of it is absorbed by the lens.


  • Bats, I want their crazy advanced immune system and interferon production. Bats are tiny mammals with a metabolism even faster than a rat/mouse due to the high energy needs of powered flight. Typically, small mammals with this fast of a metabolism will live like 2-5 years, because cell division is so rapid that after only a few years, the cells’ DNA becomes too damaged to continue. However, bats have insane immune systems. They’re immune (asymptomatic carriers) to nearly every virus capable of infecting them because their immune systems produce so much interferon that any damage to the DNA (eg from a virus inserting code for its own reproduction into a cell) is corrected almost immediately. This process also partially repairs damage from cell-division, meaning that bats can live up to ~40 YEARS depending on the species. If a human had that ability, it would be like living to 400 or 500 years old, and being immune to nearly every disease (between native viral immunity, and antibiotics for bacterial infections)





  • It’s the jump from Windows 8.1 to 10 imo. That was when their strategy shifted from Windows being a sold as a product in-itself towards being used as a vessel to push people towards other, more profitable Microsoft services.

    In the modern age of PCs, it’s just not profitable to sell an operating system as an end product anymore because consumers expect the OS to be available free of charge, like it is on Apple products and Android devices, so the only people actually paying for Windows are OEMs who pay like $5/key, which isn’t enough to sustain a profitable OS without bundling a bunch of third party shitware, steering you towards paid Microsoft services like OneDrive/Office 365, and selling all your data