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Joined 2 years ago
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Cake day: July 2nd, 2023

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  • Subconscious self-loathing as a result of trying to memory hole something evil I did when very young.

    Also a desperate reliance on others’ praise and approval due to emotional abuse from my mother.

    A warped model of accomplishment resulting from all the praise I got for easily mastering concepts, coupled with vicious gaslighting and moral attacks I suffered whenever I strove for something difficult.

    And many other things which I’m just starting to uncover.

    I kind of feel like a programmer sleuthing out bugs in a product, but while I spend time sleuthing out the cause of my product not working, the trade show is half over.
















  • This is not a random question. I think it’s important to getting at the root of all this:

    How exactly would he establish financial control over you, if you were to get in touch with him?

    I’d say as long as that is a possibility, it indicates that there is a share of that control mechanism living in your own brain.

    This tells me you have things you need to work out with yourself before you try to mend things with your father. Basically there’s no mechanism by which one adult can financially control another adult, without that second adult being an active participant in the process.

    As a first step, you should figure out what latent software exists within you, that is ready to activate and provide him access to controlling your life.

    Do you have a therapist? If not that’s good first step.