I’m about to start my 12 week paternity leave next week thanks to a state program and almost everyone that I’ve told has had their jaws on the floor that I would even want to do that.
Today I witnessed a group of coworkers almost bragging how little time they took after their kids were born. I’ve heard stuff like “Most men are hard working and want to support their families so they don’t take leave”.
To me it was a no brainer, I’m getting ~85% of my normal pay and I get to take care of my wife, our son and our newborn for 3 whole months. and for someone who hasn’t taken a day breathe in the past 3 years I think I deserve it.
I’m in the US so I know it’s a “strange” concept, but people have seemed genuinely upset, people it doesn’t affect at all. Again, it’s a state program available to almost anyone who’s worked in the past 2 years, I’ve talked to soon to be dads who scoffed at the idea and were happy to use a week of pto and that’s it.
I feel like I’m missing something.
Swede here. Taking care of your family means being an active parent and a sharing partner.
I took 18 months paternity leave with our firstborn so my partner could finish their degree.
I also had 12 weeks of paternity, but I split mine up. I took 6 weeks (which I feel like was the minimum I should have) at birth to care for the kids and for mama. I split up the other 6 weeks over 2 weeks breaks at different times. It is so important to have dedicated time to bond and care for your child. My relationship with my daughter is amazing and it started so early because I was able to be there and care for her early on. It’s weird that in the past people didn’t have the opportunity to be there and bond with their children. Why should work ever be more important than your own blood. “Supporting” your family by working vs taking paternity leave and also spending time with your kid is a no brainer. I think some people just think work is the most important part of their life. Work is what makes you money to live your life. Don’t forget to live.
Americans are weird.
Honestly the time with your partner and kid is precious irreplaceable.
Anyone who’s weird about it is insecure about their own paternal involvement.
I’ve just lost someone in my team for 4 months due to paternity leave. As far as I’m aware on full pay too.
I’m happy he gets to take it, you guys in the US have it rough with workers rights. I’d say take the maximum you can and enjoy the time, we’re not put on this earth to generate profit.
Be the change you want to see and make sure you brag to everyone about how great it is when you get back, maybe they’ll start to think differently.
I enjoyed my time with our newborn, but it’s no vacation. I took 4.5 months of paternity leave in a row.
Sweden us pretty generous with parental leave. Me and the Mrs get 480 days to share between us. 390 of which are at some 80% of our salary. The other 90 days pay peanuts, but great to have when you need some time off to get started with preschool and stuff. You have 90 days earmarked for yourself that can’t be transferred to the other parent.
At 5 days a week those 480 days last two years.
I am not a parent but I think paternity leave is essential. Your wife is doing to need a lot of help and it’s just as important for you to bond with your baby as her.
It’s valuable time. It’s as important as maternity leave. Take it.
Lol, here in Norway 2 months ish paternity leave is mandatory
The mom guys back to work for that period, leaving you alone with the kid, but if they breastfeed you kinda have to stop by the office once a day for snacks…
I did that for 6 months, which is pretty much the max. I enjoyed the hell out of it, you connect way more to your kid honestly.
I got 100% of my pay. (Government gets you to a certain level, and then most companies covers the rest)
It seems pretty normalized and expected in the tech company I’m at. I’ll be taking four months or so in August.
I’m not a father and I never intend to be one, and I think it’s great that you’re taking paternity leave.
In the deceptively simple, yet seemingly complex social conundrum, you’re practically insulting two or several of their generations.
You see, their daddy and granddaddy before them didn’t need no paternity leave and their kids (as in themselves) turned out to be just fine! Now here you are coddling and spoiling your children rotten, proving everything wrong with the newer generations!
How can a man provide food on the table, a roof over their heads and clothes on their backs by sitting at home and playing with their kids? Unthinkable! Unconscionable! Un-American!
Or so a theory goes…
I’m about to start my 12 week paternity leave next week thanks to a state program and almost everyone that I’ve told has had their jaws on the floor that I would even want to do that.
That’s actually getting close to the amount some of the worse countries in Europe give.
To me it was a no brainer, I’m getting ~85% of my normal pay and I get to take care of my wife, our son and our newborn for 3 whole months
The only reason I could see not to do that is if that 15% would leave finances so tight you couldn’t turn on the heating. But as you probably spend more that that on comminuting absolutely no brainer.
My company in the UK only gives 2 weeks paternity so most guys save and use all their holiday for the year to bring their total time off to 9 weeks.
That’s actually getting close to the amount some of the worse countries in Europe give.
Wrong. Statutory paternity leave in most European countries is less than a month, with a minimum of 2 weeks or 10 working days mandated by the EU. Of course companies may decide to give you more, but that highly depends on your place of work and thus is not a fair source of comparison.
Source: just came from 14 working days of pat leave and am European. My friend who works for a different company got 2 months, part of which he’s able to take at a later date (not immediately after child birth) if he so chooses.
I was the first in my workplace to take paternity leave when it became law in my state. I didn’t take it in one chunk, but used every single day I was entitled to. I got many similar comments as you from older guys, and I believe they came from a place of jealousy at worst and self-rationalization at best, since those people weren’t afforded the same rights when they had kids.
Pay then no attention, the first few months as a dad to a new kid are some of the most important and precious moments you’ll ever have, and if you miss them you will never ever get a do over. Take every second you can without an ounce of shame.
You may also find yourself setting an example, as I noticed none of the new Dads in my workplace after me had any reservations about taking their full leave, and I work in construction with some needlessly macho guys.
Its amazing. Especially if you take it when mom goes back to work. That’s your time to figure out how to be a parent. Not what works for mom or grandparents. Your thing between dad and baby. I figured out I had to take walks around the block to get baby to nap. I think of that sometimes now when she’s big. Also: if they give you shit: say - “I just don’t get why you wouldn’t want to spend more time with your kids.”
My wife’s a gig worker and does mostly weekends in summer so I usually get all of that time to be a parent on my own, and while I miss my wife a lot, I love being the sole parent. My son and I have such a different flow than him and my wife and it’s so interesting to see.
That first summer with our oldest was rough, he was only a few months old, I was working 2 jobs just so we could scrape by so he didn’t really know me yet, he screamed and screamed but eventually we got in a good groove and I found a spot on his back that if I rubbed put him right to sleep. That spot still works 3 years later
Sounds like attitude of wage slaves that have been brainwashed into doing everything for the corpos and being fine with getting scrap. They live to work as opposed to work to live.
Can’t change the slave mentality of some people. They were just born to be one.
