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Gonna preface this by saying this is not my worst, or really even a bad experience. We were in a 69 with her on top. I was getting into it and wrapped my arms around her waist, squeezing her down on me. This was just the right amount of pressure to squeak a little fart out of her, which made me giggle while still firmly planting my face in the fun zone. The sensation of me giggling made her tense up, ripping a fat one right in my face. I pulled my face away so I could laugh harder, but that made me gasp through my mouth, and I cough while yelling “OH GOD IT’S IN MY MOUTH!” We are both dying from laughing so hard, but a moment later she suddenly says “LET ME UP” in a really panicked tone and runs to the bathroom. I sat up so I could ask if she was OK, and felt a drip from my beard. I said “wow babe you left me a little treat, you were really wet!” She screams through the door “OH MY GOD DON’T LICK THAT!” She had laughed so hard that she peed on my face.

I was platonic friends with a gal for several months and one day at a brunch she asked me why I never made a move on her

I told her I thought she wasn’t interested to be polite, even though the truth was that I wasn’t very interested. I didn’t feel a strong potential for a romantic relationship, but I didn’t want her to feel bad

Something personality wise didn’t feel right in a relationship, but felt right to hang out with.

She told me she was interested.

I decided that I couldn’t tell the future and invited her back to my place after.

We kissed for the first time, but it kind of confirmed that I wasn’t super into her, and I thought I felt that she wasn’t into me.

I asked her if she enjoyed the kiss, and she said “yes, of course, did you?”

So I said yes because I didn’t want her to feel embarrassed.

Things progressed, and I kept checking in, and she kept telling me that she was into it, and I thought maybe sometimes attraction doesn’t click right away, but we’re good friends and she seemed so into it so maybe it’ll be better later if our relationship progresses.

We had maybe the most awkward sex I’ve ever had, neither of us really dug the other’s preferred positions and it was just strange in a way I’ve never experienced.

From my side I felt magnetically repulsed by her. That’s as close a description as I can imagine.

So afterward, she said “You know I kind of didn’t want to sleep with you”.

I was immediately confused and horrified. I asked her why she brought it up in the first place and repeatedly told me she was into it the maybe dozen times I asked her to confirm during the deed.

She said she thought I had wanted to get together with her for a while so she went along with it even though the sex made her very uncomfortable and she didn’t enjoy it. By this point I was in utter disbelief, since I had just been assuming the awkwardness was one-sided since she kept telling me she was into it, having a great time, wanted to try _____.

I confessed that I had thought the same thing, and it was a bit of a relief for both of us at the end.

We didn’t have a huge laugh over it, but we didn’t hate each other afterward and still hung out.

A few years ago I moved to a new city but hadn’t had any luck dating. One day I matched a girl on some online dating site who immediately started sexting aggressively. Usually I’m the more intimate type, but I thought that I hadn’t had sex in a while so I went for it.

She took the lead and started giving me head, which wasn’t so bad honestly. But I just couldn’t get into it. When she rode me I didn’t get fully limp, but I wasn’t really hard either. At some point she apparently came (or just got bored of my dead fish impression) and I pretty quickly packed my things and left.

That day I learned I really need some type of emotional connection with a person before having sex works for me.

I had a partner for eight years. We met when we were both 31. She was my first monogamous relationship theretofore because I decided to give monogamy a try. She was utterly, screamingly boring in bed. There was nothing else notably wrong with the relationship, except for her unwillingness to communicate on anything beyond household, workaday topics. No oral (give or receive), no anal, not into foreplay, and she would just lay there. But no conflicts either. There was the advantage of she was always willing and ready to go without any foreplay or lube. She got off and claimed she was absolutely sexually satisfied. Sex wasn’t even fun in the context of Free Use, which is a kink I enjoy. I tried to engage her in all kinds of Gottman Method relationship work, but she bluntly and explicitly refused.

At one point early in our relationship, she moved and clamped her vagina in a way that was quite enjoyable. “Honey, that was great! Please do that more.” And for the rest of our relationship, any such complement was a sure-fire way to make sure it would never happen again. After eight years of nearly daily, invariably terrible sex, I stopped approaching her sex for three weeks. She never said a thing. On day 22, I broke up with her, and she was absolutely gobsmacked, claimed that I was throwing away eight years of great history. She hadn’t even noticed that there had been no sex for three weeks.

Ya ever hear about a sandpaper handjob?

Picture one given by a lady who was almost certainly trained by a Korean masseuse.

Not the ones in LA that are playing up the aesthetic to upcharge you, the legit dudes in Korea who put you down naked on a table and leave you feeling like you’ve been done over with a zester.

I escaped having ma dick completely ripped right off the hilt only through saying I was about to cum and wanted to fuck her first.

I left, picked a sandwich up because I knew I wasn’t in the headspace to cook, sat down on my bed, and just considered my life choices with an ice pack over my jeans.

I took two women home from the bar one night and I guess they were fighting because they kept biting each other’s clits.

Or maybe it was establishing dominance but either way it was just kind of awkward.

I was dating this girl, was going well. We fooled around, had a lovely time. She just seemed cooler than me in many ways, had cool hobbies, hung out with cool people, I was kinda feeling like I scored.

Then one day 3 weeks later I did. For some reason she didn’t want to on her bed, so instead we attempted the act on the living room couch, she had roommates. Her shirt came off exposing her back and it just didn’t look right, I can’t explain it, was like her ribs were sunken in like a corset and her backbone was curved in this scoliosis kinda way. I was confused and my member went a bit limp. I think she could tell, but we went ahead anyway. Then the couch cushions just kept sinking and getting in the way. Me with a half limp dick and these awkward positions, neither of us really feeling it and yet we still continued on. The whole thing just felt pathetic.

We hung out a few times after, but it always felt like the ending of 1984, where the couple have all of that vibrant life sucked out of them. The relationship was over shortly thereafter.

A decade later, I haven’t seen her since. We’re still friends on Facebook.

Was about to go down on a girl when the smell of her snatch stopped me. Her kitty straight up smelled like a dirty litter box. 🤢