You must log in or register to comment.
One way to understand them better is to occasionally talk. Cuz like, guys and girls are actually incredibly similar. A couple of conversations a day, with the occasional really good conversation, can go a very long way towards understanding each other. Everything you don’t talk about is one more thing you won’t understand.
Its true. I wondered why I didn’t feel like girls were any different from me and why I had a hard time understanding both girls and boys, then I learned I was trans and autistic
you’r not talking that kinda person into making sense
I’m not hoping the person from 4 chan is also in here, just giving general advice for anyone reading it now.
me as well, it’s not so uncommon, communication is key while true is such a trite idea and ignores all nuance of reality
It’s super effective!
Wanted you to fight for her affection. Time to separate and run away
This will NOT be the last test their partner does. Relationship tests are toxic.
Relationship tests are toxic.
Hah. The woman I was briefly married to really wanted me to be jealous, but I didn’t realize that at the time. I was just happy for her whenever she told be about her great friends who happened to be men.
This culminated when she told me it wasn’t fair that I had had other sexual partners in my life but she had not. I replied that if she was asking me for an open relationship and it was really important to her, then it would be something we could discuss. That was not what she wanted to hear.
She was not a nice person (to put it mildly) so I don’t regret being so clueless.
My current SO is similar. They asked if I’d be okay with them watching a movie with a friend of my gender online. I said, “sure, go for it” offhandedly. They were flabbergasted and said they expected me to be jealous. They then asked how I’d feel if it was in person instead, and I said, “I’d want to meet them first because I don’t trust them, but I do trust you.” Again, flabbergasted.
My SO is a nice person though, just a little protective. We’re happily married and we make sure to inform eachother about anything the other may be uncomfortable with. We just differ in what we’re comfortable with, and I think that’s fine.
That sounds like they might have an insecure attachment style.
Yeah, perhaps. But it’s not too hard to work around, and the benefits of the relationship far outweigh any inconvenience. If I wanted to hang out with a friend of my SO’s gender, I would either bring my SO along or at least have them get to know each other first.
Wow, thats intense, I hope your in a better situation now!
I divorced her after six months of marriage a long time ago. I’m embarrassed by that, but my mistake was in marrying her, not in ending the marriage so quickly. I’m proud that I had the courage to leave.
I do wonder if there was anything I should have done differently which would have made the marriage work, but I’m more confident about my decision to leave after a more recent ex of hers found me so that he could tell me that she was a “horrible psychopath” who ruined his life. Apparently he knew my name because she told him how bad I had been to her, and after their breakup he suspected that she had been lying.
As for right now: I’m single but it’s 100% true that being single is better than being in a bad relationship.
That’s* You’re*
Their doing there best, bro.
☠️
Is this how you were corrected or did your teachers have more grace?
Based responses from you tbh. Relationships work best when you try to solve problems rather than ramp up emotions constantly
I can’t officially diagnose her with BPD but ramping up emotions constantly was her thing.
I’ve found some people who act jealous and want you to be jealous are that way because they’re cheaters. They may not be cheating now but they know they would given the right opportunity and they assume you’re like them. So they worry about you cheating and they get upset when you don’t worry about them cheating because they assume that means you don’t care. It’s a messed up and miserable way of thinking, and if you’re not the cheating or jealous type but naive to their thinking, together you’ll have a lot of conflict and confusion.
Either that, or she thought she wanted out, only to realize when it was done that she no longer felt like she had somebody to depend upon. The feeling of safety is what keeps a lot of people in relationships they might not feel love in anymore. When you make someone your world for years, it’s gonna impact you when that goes away, even if it was your choice.
I remember this post. Same opinion still. Not the best course of action, but I wonder if it was a last ditch effort for him to give a fuck, which he doesn’t seem to, and that broke her heart. Not that that means she did the right thing, but with all the comments patting anon on the back for dodging a bullet, I’ll give one to the lady for conforming that Anon doesn’t love her like she thinks/wants. Hopefully they’ll both find someone that makes them happy.
When being taught that no is supposed to mean no I dont believe there is any other appropriate reaction to being given the divorce papers
Yeah, for sure. If you tell someone you want to call things off, you gotta be prepared for that “sure.” Definitely wasn’t her best move.
Doesn’t mean I can’t have some empathy for her, even if I don’t agree. Humans do crazy, sometimes even terrible things, out of hurt and love. Us humans are pretty flawed. 😅
Anon caught a bullet.
Tape em back together surely!
It was a test
A deranged one…
That goes without saiyan
Super saiyan?
Yeah, but if you fail it, you’ll feel like you’ve been punched in the dragon ballz
(B-side backup joke: something about blue dragon balls)
Drama queen
Time to file the divorce papers.
Yeah I’d rather bet that he is kinda emotionally disconnected from anything happening with her (and himself).
So she probably never feels supported, tried to talk about, didn’t work, finally divorced him but loves him too much to actually go through with it.
Maybe.
That said, my SO is similar to this. We don’t talk as much as we should, but that seems to be because they got into online gaming with their friends and play during the times we would normally hang out. I’m expected to go out of my way to make up for that, but I don’t need as much emotional contact as they do so I don’t. I’m usually just hanging out on the bed on my own, and I put down my phone, game, book, etc the moment they initiate.
This causes some issues occasionally, but I don’t think I’m the cause here. We have kids, and I end up interacting with them more to make more time for them to play (I make breakfast and get them ready for bed).
That said, I’m trying to be more proactive to help them be more fulfilled. I just wonder if anon is in a similar situation.
This is just my opinion, but I think you probably should have a talk with your SO and make it clear you would like a little more “us” time.
It’s more the other way around, they want more “us” time, whereas I’m pretty happy with things as they are. We still go on dates and spend time together on weekends, and I’m pretty tired from working, doing dishes, and taking care of the kids on weekdays (my SO doesn’t work, but does take care of the kids while I’m at work).
I think it’s more of, “I want to do X, Y, and Z, but have to pick two.” They’re already not getting enough sleep (I’ve complained multiple times) because they’re overextending to make remote timezones w/ friends work, and if my SO wants to spend time w/ me, they know where to find me, I’m usually reading on the bed or something. In fact, they frequently text me asking for random things (water, food, etc), and I bring it most of the time, and sometimes hang out for a few min after. It works for me, but apparently they’d prefer that I adapt to their schedule and preferences a bit more (i.e. read in the gaming room or whatever), but when I do, I tend to fall asleep on the couch or something, and they complain about that… I’m not interested in the same games my SO is, but I’ll accommodate when there’s a big patch or something so they can have more time to work through it. I play games too, just not the same types.
They used to complain that I’m not showing enough love, and then I explained that me not complaining about them spending so much time with their online friends is showing them love, because it’s one of the few times they get to interact with adults who speak the same native language (I don’t speak it well). That seems to have resolved things for now, but I’m still trying to go out of my way to spend a little more time w/ them so they can feel my love in the way they’d prefer.
The root of the problem is that we have very different schedules. Here’s mine:
- 6:30-7 - wake up and take care of kid stuff
- 8:30 - take kids to school and go to work (SO does this if I’m busy w/ work stuff in the morning)
- 5:30 - get home from work, and do dishes while SO finishes dinner
- 7-9 - hang out w/ kids, and get them ready for bed
- 10:30 - sleep
And their schedule:
- 10-11 - wake up and hang out w/ youngest (that’s when they get home from preschool, we have a neighbor that helps)
- 3 - pick up kids from school
- 5-6 - prep dinner
- 7 - play games w/ friends, watch shows, do hobbies, etc - friends are split between US time zone and E. Asia timezone (6PM there is after midnight here)
- 2-4am - sleep
We’re both introverts, especially me, and I need time to myself to relax. Being w/ my SO and kids doesn’t exhaust me or anything (much different than friends and coworkers), but it doesn’t really recharge me either. I have about 1-2 hours to myself on any given weeknight, and my SO is usually involved w/ friends by the time I’m available anyway, so I don’t go out of my way to pull them off to hang out together. And they’re not really getting the best of me anyway since I’m tired and honestly probably not that fun to be around anyway.
If only divorce was a simple form…
It is though, if it’s amicable. It only gets complicated if you disagree on who gets what.
If there aren’t kids or pets involved, just hire an arbiter and be done with it in a day.
Depends on where you live.
In Finland you have to be officially separated for 6 months before you can get a divorce.
Wow, that’s awful. Why can’t two consenting adults dissolve their union immediately? Why wait?
Probably because no-one in Finland would be married anymore; get drunk on the weekend and divorce on the spot.
Generally it’s just like those annoying “are you SURE you want to perform this action” prompts.
Honestly I’ve no opinion on this but as people have pointed out marriage is a financial union as well, which is what actually makes the split challenging. Although the split would be even more challenging if you weren’t married but still shared a lot of stuff.
Say for instance you’ve used only x card to pay for all furniture. While you both actually use the card, it’s in her name and now she owns everything bought with it if you’re not married, etc etc
In the US we solve this one of two ways, depending on the state:
- everything earned/purchased during the marriage is jointly owned, 50/50
- things are only jointly owned if both parties’ names are on it
Things from before marriage are usually separate, provided the parties can show they’ve kept them separate (i.e. if you got an inheritance before marriage and never shared it with the spouse).
If the divorce is amicable, then it’s generally pretty smooth, regardless of what the local law is, since you just hire a mutually agreeable arbiter to value and distribute things. It only gets complicated when parties disagree about who gets what (usually emotional attachment), and also disagree about what things should be worth.
In any case, though, waiting 6 months doesn’t make that process easier, it likely just discourages people from bothering with the divorce. Do you really want to deal with joint assets for 6 months? Who lives in the house? Who drives the cars? All of that should be settled as quickly as possible instead of sitting in limbo for half a year.
since you just hire a mutually agreeable arbiter to value and distribute things.
I think you’re underestimating what a huge process this is.
You can split up all your shit as soon as your like. When you want a divorce, you apply for it as soon as you want to, but it will only legally be confirmed after six months if you go and confirm it within six months of the end of the six-month waiting period. Ie in a year from the original date, but after 6 months.
But there’s no need for this waiting period if you’ve for instance lived in different addresses for the past two years.
This isn’t like trying to force people to stay together or make it too hard. It’s honestly because if it was that simple tons of drunk finns would get divorced on weekends.
And I think you’re making it out to be easier that it is in the US. It’s not like you just drop by a government building and sign some papers and you’re done, you actually need to go through the effort to separate all your finances. Even a smooth divorce can take a few days, and my understanding is that you can’t file such paperwork drunk since you wouldn’t be “of sound mind” to complete the legal paperwork.
The 6 month waiting period seems to be intended to prevent divorce. Otherwise, why not just a week? Or a month to be generous? Surely that’s enough time for a drunk Finn to sober up (then again, maybe Finns have some epic benders). Send a reminder postcard or something around the time you need to confirm and you’re good. Better yet, require it to be opt out, as in you’re divorced unless you take action. I think remaining married after filing is much more surprising than being divorced.
I’ve been in this situation. Amicable. Split evenly. No kids. A half hour with my buddy who is a lawyer to sign papers and done.
If finances also are separate it can be very quick
That depends on the laws in your area though. In some areas, separate accounts mean something, whereas in others, any income after marriage is considered combined, regardless of who owns the accounts.
That said, if it’s amicable, it’s fast regardless. Just get a third party to work out the details and it’ll be fast.
Civil unions work like that over here. I could walk into town hall tomorrow and tell them I want to separate from my SO and all I need is my autograph, not even hers.
What about assets and everything else that goes along with a relationship?
And that’s how it should work right? Nobody should be allowed to keep someone hostage in a “relationship”.
Marriage isn’t just a relationship, it’s a financial partnership. It’s complicated to dissolve because money and shared property are complicated. Fortunately it’s easy to avoid. Don’t get married, and if you want to end a relationship you can simply walk out the door without a word anytime you want.
I’ve currently been trying to get divorced for almost 12 months. My ex left me for someone else so you’d think it’d be an open and shut case but she’s also being belligerent within the legal process and drawing out the timeline.
I find it incredible how many hoops need jumping through in Australia just to not be legally bound to a cheating spouse.
Depends where you are. There’s companies here that’ll come to your house and divorce you in a morning.
Anon is emotionally stunted and this person really loves them but doesn’t feel it back. Anon needs to express themselves better
Anon sounds pretty over it, and I don’t blame them.
Also, if they’re making a greentext about this, they’re quite possibly on the spectrum, in which case it’s on their partner to communicate clearly.
Being on the spectrum does not put the onus of communication on the partner, and I say that as someone decidedly on the spectrum. It’s still a partnership that requires all players to participate fully.
The onus is on the person who has an issue they want to communicate.
So not the poster.
It’s only going to get worse, Anon. Rethink the relationship. Consider filing for divorce yourself.
deleted by creator
